Won't hesitate no more;

holiday musings

2010-06-02T16:57:00.004+08:00

it's been a long time since i visited this place. but ah well, the sheer boredom the hols have been thus far has driven me here.

it's not that the hols have been bad, or unenjoyable. quite the contrary - physically i feel better than i have for a looong time, a product of the good food and *gasp* good sleep that i've gotten since the hols began. i may have been physically fitter during season, but you get the idea.

other than floorball chalet (courtesy of sean's chalet-booking foresight), NOTHING's been happening. NOTHING. and this explains why i am trapped within the uniquely Singaporean contraption known as a HDB flat, forced into mentally jumping through hoops and running treadmills by the upcoming SAT.

and even floorball chalet was quite phaill for most of sunday afternoon, with barely a handful even there until quite late in the night. on hindsight, i should have gone to watch r-proj, but that's another story.

meanwhile, this business of studying alone at home for the SAT is unbelievably mind-numbing. a mere 15 minutes into another section, i start looking for something else to distract me, which i invariably find. the newspapers and news magazines lying around have become surprisingly comforting companions, and i can't help pouncing on any online news update about the upcoming world cup.

maybe it's a deep cry within me for some measure of companionship amidst the drivel-inducing SAT practice, but damnit am i bored.

and ranting about being bored makes me BORED-ER. :/

shall uhh endeavour to find a more "productive" use of my time.

are you ready?

2010-05-16T14:58:00.003+08:00

tomorrow marks the last time that the A'Div Boys Raffles Floorball'10 is going to play as a team.

it's the final game in this heck of a season.

and for the J2s especially, it marks the last time we get to play for Raffles.

it's also the last time that we get to play at CCK sports hall.

this may even be the last time that some of us play floorball competitively.

the significance of this occasion has nothing to do with who our opponents are - indeed, the scoreline is secondary tomorrow. what matters more is the very fact that we ARE playing with this team, playing with the conviction that we are going to give it our all.

nothing but our very best.

hold nothing back, and fear nothing, for tomorrow we walk into the court to do what we do best - playing and dictating OUR game, playing and enjoying OUR game of floorball.

tomorrow we walk into the court with a quiet confidence, knowing that we have trained months in preparation for this, that we have literally sweated bucketloads, that we have endured pain and sacrifice (bruises, scrapes, abrasions, sprains) beyond measure, and that nothing can take anything away from us.

for we will never back down - we have trained hard and prepared well for anything that may come our way. and we are unstoppable on our day simply because of who we are, and what we are capable of.

Coach once told us to ask ourselves this question after one of our pre-season friendlies: "If the season begins tomorrow, are you ready?" For if we were yet to be ready, we would never be truly ready.

now turn that question around, and ask if we are ready for the final day of the season. look in the mirror, confront the very depths of your soul, and arrive at the answer.

we've got a score to settle, a wrong to make right, and one final chance to end the season on a high. nothing less.

of mayfly-lookalikes and CTs

2010-03-23T21:27:00.003+08:00

i don't think i'm the only one facing a sudden mayfly-like insect infestation at the moment.

it always happens after it's been raining for quite a while... and we've sure seen March making up very heavily for February's lack of rainfall.

well-done luh, March.

anyway, since we did the lit paper today, i'm sure we're all in the mood for some literary indulgence. and so i shall make an attempt at coming up with a conceit of my own! but no, it won't come in the form of poetry - i don't do poetry. (actually, i can't do poetry, but no matter.)

you see, this bolt of inspiration struck me just as the mayfly-like insect hit my face and attempted to force an entry into one of my orifices.

ok, it didn't, but something did hit me as i was staring at the sheer number of mayfly-like... y'know what, let's just call them mayflies from now on - they do die as quickly anyway.

and now, to my point: the CTs are in many ways LIKE mayflies.

mayflies are ephemeral - they come and go within a day, hours even.

mark my words, we'll see loads of dead mayflies in the morning, clustered around light-bulbs and other beaming sources of light. (but no, they SHOULD NOT be clustered around your face, no matter how glowing your complexion is).

CTs last no longer (ok mugging lasts longer but you get the point), and the sheer number of material (and mayflies) irritates you to distraction, and pisses your ass off to no end.

and when you're gone, you heave a great sigh of relief, and offer your thanks for and utter your surprise at the amazingly beautiful world we live in.

without mayflies. or CTs.

perhaps a cockroach infestation might serve as an appropriate analogy to the BIG ONE at the end of the year? i can just see it coming - insanely difficult to be rid of, and just plain FREAKISH.

of work, music and floorball

2010-03-04T00:43:00.002+08:00

i know life is sad when i'm up at this hour chionging a h3 econs case study, after coming home from training at 10+.

i know life is sadder when i've turned on the music to... tune out the lonely silence of the moment.

i've forgotten, however, that listening to the wrong songs can make you even lonelier, which brings us to a nick hornby-esque question:

is it the loneliness that got you listening to the music in the first place, or is it the music that makes you truly lonely?

(nick hornby is an awesome author by the way - probably one of the best contemporary writers, when it comes to capturing the modern male psyche.)

on a brighter note, i can feel myself improving with every training, and this friday will be the time to translate those gains into better in-game performances. after it's how we do on court that really counts, no?

anyway, it falls to coach to decide if i'm really getting better, and whether my "getting better" is good enough. "control the controllables, and forget about the uncontrollables", 'tis what they teach us, and it can't get truer in our predicament.

focus on your own performance (controllable), accept whatever coach makes of it (uncontrollable), and then do something about it (controllable). and so on.

for the win, raffles floorball.

freedom

2010-02-25T22:22:00.001+08:00

freedom is but the illusion of choice.

quit worrying, quit whining

2010-02-23T23:45:00.003+08:00

paused for a little introspective navel-gazing just now, and i realised how i've been guilty of much pathetic whining recently.

it's utterly pathetic, really.

it's time to quit worrying and quit whining, and time to start do-ing and perform-ing.

the self-confidence of yester-year (even if only a front) has gone, and been replaced with a self-doubting aura.

shake it off, and give it everything you've got, dude.

"confidence is the key. but preparation--- is a better key!"

and damnit, a final three words that've been missing from my working vocabulary: FOR THE WIN.

of fireworks, mahjong, red packets and reunions

2010-02-16T21:57:00.002+08:00

chinese new year is my favourite festive occasion of the year, and for good reason.

it's a time of the year where everyone's supposed to be back for a family reunion, and it's the perfect time to get away from the scruff and gruff of normal life for a while.

true, work piles up even during the break, but i guess it's worth getting away? perhaps i'll change my mind when i actually turn my mind to work, but oh well that'll be another day.

chinese new year used to be a festival synonymous with the fireworks that my cousins and i (all of whom are within the same age range) play with, but tis' been a few years now that we've stopped playing with them at all.

and you just know you've grown and changed a little when fireworks don't hold the same fascination and wonder for you anymore.

the likes of mahjong and computer games took up the place of fireworks in recent years, but i've since come slowly to the realization that it's not the fireworks that we set off together but matter - it's simply the company of every family member that we enjoy (some more than others, of course).

it's the simple unadorned fact that my cousins and i have all gathered together - to chit-chat over snacks or dinner, to have fun playing mahjong or daidi - that really strikes home.

i'm not sure if we'll still be able to gather and reunite again in this fashion years from now... but i sure hope it'll still be possible. the presence of family in the oh-so-familiar background of my grandma's place simply evokes nostalgic feelings and memories from childhood and the years since, for which words... escape me.

this is also the first year i've discovered many a kindred spirit who spend chinese new year in malaysia too (YAY JUST LIKE ME). i've never spent chinese new year outside of malaysia, i guess.

hope the break was a good one for you, my dear reader, anyway. :D

post-orientation disorientation

2010-02-04T21:56:00.005+08:00

post-orientation disorientation.

can't think of any better way to put it, heh.

lonely.

reality's starting to sink in today, i guess, that it's time to get back down to reality. work beckons, and mr reeves really struck it home when he was in a pretty aggressive mood (relatively, anyway) this morning.

i have nobody to call my own.

told: academic work has to take top priority, and other commitments are meant to fit in around academics - things are just not meant to go the other way round.

i need a little more luck than a little bit, cause every time i get stuck, the words won't fit.

guess we'll just have to dust ourselves off, give a little nonchalant shrug, and carry on our long lumbering trudge towards the inevitable.

with even more baggage than before.

i said it's too late to apologize.

Fie, fie, woe indeed.

2010-01-21T23:56:00.002+08:00

O woe hath befallen this world.

2010-01-19T22:26:00.001+08:00

hoping against hope...

end this now.

secrets

2010-01-08T00:14:00.000+08:00

secrets, we all keep them.

though some are better left unsaid.

2010!

2010-01-04T00:38:00.003+08:00

2010 is a year of promises, and given the many disappointments of the past year, can only be a better one.

2009's had its hits and misses for moi, but it's the new year now, and it probably won't do me much good to dwell on what's passed me by.

having just read through my new year resolutions piece back in 2009, i'm struck by how fluent i was then, and how i struggle to piece together a decent paragraph these days.

the urge to write's left me - i still brood as much, more, for sure, but the instinct to pen down those thoughts has deserted somewhat.

i mean, i'm even resorting to stream of consciousness one-line paragraphs to get through this post.

oh well, came to this post with the original intention of penning down some resolutions, but having typed them away in a sekrit word document on my desktop, i no longer wish to publish it for public consumption. -smirks in a self-amused manner-

not that there is a sizeable audience on this blog these days anyway. about the only person who visits is JOSHUA FOONG... YO JOSHUA, YOU THERE?

so... if you're reading this and are NOT joshua, then do drop by the tagboard and say hi, you impolite b******. how rude of you to come by and not have the courtesy to greet moi. then again, thank you if you're reading this.

and then again, i get the feeling i'm talking to an empty crowd here.

oh well, since i did come by here with the intention of writing some new year resolutions, i shall make some general comments to satisfy my OCDness with ticking off items on a mental to-do list.

well, some things change, and some things don't, so if you re-read my 2009 resolutions, you'll realise quite a number of things haven't changed.

've since moved on in other important aspects of my life, however... so yeah, things change and things remain the same. go figure.

and so, as i struggle (and probably fail miserably) in my quest for physical (cca-wise, basically) and academic perfection, wish me determination, perseverance, obstinacy, sheer bull-headed strong-will and loads and loads of luck.

we'll all need it, eh?

CCAD. Council. Floorball. Studies. life can't get awesomer, can it? (:

bittersweet

2009-12-06T02:08:00.002+08:00

You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

youth is truly, wasted on the young.

and there's nothing that sucks more than knowing something's very wrong but being completely unable to do anything about it.

i'm sick of paradoxes.

Desperado 亡命之徒

2009-11-16T01:22:00.004+08:00

亡命之徒 縱貫線

听我说我原来有个梦
跟你高飞远走跟你一起走到白头
但是我拥有化为乌有
忘记我们承诺忘记曾经爱你爱的那么浓
我不能带你走我犯了大错
必须一个人走必须扛下所有罪过
必须离开熟悉的街口请你不要忘记我
这夜里有小雨飘在空中
当我扣板机的瞬间灵魂早已卖给魔鬼
可笑的是我好想求主帮我赎回赎回我那一丁点的尊严
想起妈妈的脸对不起这几年是否有机会再见你一面
妈妈我犯了错你会原谅我吗? 我已经踏上了末路
别人眼中的亡命之徒哪里还有我的藏身处?
我的兄弟离我远去我还傻呼呼的相信道义
所谓的人性莫非要用血和泪来换取教训不想再混下去
想说干完这一票就不再撩下去
想着想着我的眼泪就流不停

出发啦不要问那路在哪? 迎风向前是唯一的方法
出发啦不想问那路在哪? 运命哎呀什么关卡?

当车声隆隆梦开始阵痛
它卷起了风重新雕塑每个面孔
夜雾那么浓开阔也汹涌
有一种预感路的终点是迷宫

喂小子我想我大概明白你的意思那些发生在你身上的
曾经以不同的面貌也在我生命里出现过好几次
对此我并无更高明的解释
只是觉得今天说不定是个合适的日子
我们就各自用舒服的姿势用擅长的方式给人生我们的
不管是一种告解还是一份答辩词
人再有本事也难抵抗命运的不仁慈

这道理再简单不过接不接受是另外一回事
真爱并非不来它只是被无预警的恶意的延迟
不要让某个女人做的蠢事
变成你自己与自己的争执

为什么该有的都有还是觉得不够
天呀该不会是贪心的念头
为什么拼了命地工作拼了命地追梦
到头来原地没有动过
为什么万里晴空下的面孔
庸庸碌碌不开心地锁着眉头要向谁哭诉
为什么想去看场电影
该死的台风偏偏选在每一个的周末
为什么这个世界上就是有人穷得发疯
有人富有把钞票当作了枕头
为什么新闻里鼻酸故事只为了
偷面包给妈妈充饥的小偷
为什么一百个为什么
变成一千个一万个十万个为什么
为什么我想破头写不出个鸟
念念念我为了什么

我们都不必在意未来的样子
像是精神病患写的诗或是烟花绽放的节日
随它去吧我们都只活一次
呼吸呼吸呼吸呼一切曳然而止
真理在荒谬被证实以前都只是暗室里的装饰
只有眼前亮起来了以后才有机会彰显它的价值
不是谁能决定的
该漫游还是冲刺我们都在海里
我觉得我们像沙子
你说的亡命之徒是不是大概就是这个意思

出发啦不要问那路在哪(亡命之徒可会全力以赴)
迎风向前是唯一的方法(是不是穷途末路有没有藏身之处)

出发啦不想问那路在哪(亡命之徒逃亡要全力以赴)
运命哎啊什么关卡(喘息在穷途末路给我个藏身之处)

当车声隆隆梦开始阵痛(亡命之徒可会全力以赴)
它卷起了风重新雕塑每个面孔(是不是穷途末路有没有藏身之处)

夜雾那么浓开阔也汹涌(亡命之徒逃亡要全力以赴)
有一种预感路的终点是迷宫(喘息在穷途末路给我个藏身之处)

Guy Fawkes Day

2009-11-05T16:41:00.001+08:00

remember, remember the fifth of november.

2009-11-02T22:14:00.002+08:00

i've often wondered where my fascination with the fantasy genre of novels came from.

it's since struck me recently that this passion for the fantasy genre is probably just an extension of my childhood dreams of swords and dragons, and whatever faerie stuff that boys dream of.

of fighting for honour, for glory (concepts that hardly mean anything to one that young, but seem pretty cool anyway), for the hand of the fairest maiden in the land.

it's what fairytales (with a somewhat chauvinistic tint) do to one like me anyway.

speaking of fairytales, i'm increasingly convinced that fairytales didn't tell us complete lies about life after all.

true loves probably do exist, but unlike in fairytales, the chances of one ending up with one's true love are probably... remote. zilch comes pretty close too.

ah well.

consistency

2009-10-20T01:13:00.002+08:00

consistency is a sign of an unimaginative mind.

those words walked into my head just a while ago, and thought i'd blog it.

keep getting the feeling someone said something like that before.

talk about deja vu.

racing against Time

2009-10-10T02:55:00.002+08:00

i'm beginning to understand the power of human passion, and commitment.

and a man consumed by a cause is frightfully driven - it's almost like a race against Time itself, as if daring Time to a challenge and a contest.

a contest, which, if carried to ultimate fruition, always results in the demise of the man and the victory of Time.

purpose

2009-10-10T00:08:00.003+08:00

from now on, it'd be non-stop council work. :D

and as i remarked earlier in the day, slogging for council is much easier than dealing with life.

honestly.

i suppose your first reaction upon seeing the above statements is to think up the comment: "no life."

i used to think "getting a life" was a priority in itself, but i think i've come to view such activities as mere breathers that allow you to get a real break, before carrying on the hard slog that is the real version of life.

i used to think that "selling your soul" to an organization like council wouldn't be a wise thing to do, and that the effort would far exceed any fruit that might be borne from such attrition. but thinking through things earlier, what's in a "soul" anyway?

devoting that much time and energy to a cause such as this - provided that such efforts are well-directed - isn't really that meaningless an activity: i'd slog night and day to bring smiles to a few faces amongst my peers, or even a few hours of joy for my batch. it isn't too much to hope for... i mean, there's so much talk about serving the community, but often, the myriad activities we engage in make us forget the very immediate community we live, work and play in - the college itself.

if charity begins at "home", where better to begin slogging out my guts out than in school?

much of the attrition we end up going through is due to the specifics of our various responsibilities anyway. it's always about adapting some pre-existing framework in a fresh and engaging manner, and i can't even begin to describe how tedious such a process is.

oh well, it's been a long time since i've stopped "managing" things and decided to charge full steam ahead for any purpose. and it's been a long time since i yelled "ALL IN" (as a gambler might) and throw everything i've got at one single goal, and ALL IN it shall be.

Because of You

by Ne-Yo

Want to, but I can’t help it
I love the way you feel,
Just got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it, I want it when I don’t
Tell myself I’ll stop everyday, knowin’ that I won't

I got a problem and I don’t know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would quit but I doubt it
I’m taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you
I can barely move but I like it

And it’s all because of you
And it’s all because…
Never get enough,
She’s the sweetest drug

Think of it every second
I can't get nothing done,
Only concern is the next time, I’m gonna get me some
Know I should stay away from, cause it's no good for me
I try and try but my obsession wont let me leave

I got a problem and I don’t know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would quit but I doubt it
I’m taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you
I can barely move but I like it

And it’s all because of you (all because of you)
And it’s all because of you,
Never get enough
She’s the sweetest drug

Ain’t no doubt, so strung out
Over you, over you, over you

Because of you,
And it’s all because of you,
Never get enough
She’s the sweetest drug, she’s the sweetest drug

heartbreak kid

2009-10-09T22:17:00.003+08:00

never thought i'd figure out a way to pen these thoughts, but here i am, and perhaps it is this very space that inspires just enough eloquence to pull this off.

i didn't and don't mean to hurt anyone, but perhaps a quote from Scott Lynch here puts things nicely:

An old Camorri proverb has it that the only constant in the soul of man is inconstancy; anything and everything can pass out of fashion.

don't think i could have phrased it better myself.

thinking back to the start, i guess it could be said that there were some inevitabilities. the start was almost an inevitable thing, and given how things were at the end of last year, i don't think things could have turned out differently. not at the start anyway.

but the inevitable beginning also meant the almost inevitable diving-head-along into things, and looking back now, things might have developed much faster than advisable.

'tis only now, with the benefit of some hindsight (but still insufficient historical distance), that i finally begin to see the importance of a long courtship, and what this almost-ritualized journey really means to the beginning of a relationship: after all, a journey takes time, and given a little more time and the delaying of the blossoming of true romance, things might have turned out for the better.

time allows one to gain a better perspective too, and there's no better time than the beginning in assessing if one is truly, truly the one for you. once slosh with the drunkenness of romance, one is completely and utterly taken. there just isn't no going back from that stage anymore.

that romance lasts only the initial few months is true too - a relationship takes more than dreamy romance to sustain, and hard work is key. if that sounds like an utterly unromantic view of life, simply turn to your parents and observe how difficult it is for them to work out issues together, and not give in come what may.

did i mention the not-too-uncommon curse about first relationships too? they (mostly) never do last, really. my own dear mum has been one of the luckier ones in that aspect, but i have an itching suspicion that it really had a lot to do with that - luck.

i still beat myself up regularly (in a metaphorical sense) when i read past diary entries of the past year... they express the doubts i've had about myself, and which have shaken my beliefs and my commitment so thoroughly that i've utterly detested myself.

knowing a problem exists doesn't solve anything, really - and to those who claim that recognition is the first step towards resolving a problem, i only have this to say: recognizing an issue but being completely and utterly unable to do anything about it is one of the most painful things ever. and i do mean the "ever" - ask anyone who's tried to kick an addiction.

i've lost count too, over the number of times that i've felt such conflicted emotions, they're literally renting me apart alive. it's not a very pleasant feeling, and beating myself up after every such conflict i experience only makes it worse. and the self-loathing that goes on merely exacerbates all that i feel.

with denial and suppression of such feelings, one subconsciously closes oneself off - and i guess my weaning off emotional dependence marked the inevitability of the end. i've closed myself off such that i really don't know how to open up anymore, and the presence of a deeper, darker secret only worsens the extent to which i shut my inner self off from others.

speaking of secrets, have you ever kept one, just one, secret so tightly within your heart, you barely even know of its existence? or that the desire to keep it secret is so strong, you even deny the very existence of the secret in the first place? it's a such painful thing, really, that even now i have no idea how much longer i can last.

i'm tired, and really exhausted. O give me strength.

2009-10-03T23:29:00.001+08:00

Nothing Lasts Forever

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

a question for thee

2009-09-29T08:55:00.000+08:00

why me?

keep running

2009-09-23T21:49:00.002+08:00

it's been a long long time since i've last been here.

the temptation to write still pops up now and then, of course.

but the thoughts, emotions, feelings and faces that haunt me at night - it's simply not worth the emotional torment to resurrect here.

i spoke of answers in the previous post. i believe i do have them now, but these answers, these truths i sought out within and found... i just can't face up to them.

it's much more painless to escape, and keep running, despite the growing fear that someday one will have to face the snowballed consequences.

to evade the inevitable once, twice, thrice... i've no idea how long i can keep this up.

keep running.

2009-08-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

i no longer know what i'm doing.

true, nat day function's over, but i'm messing up everything else i'm supposed to be doing.

and i just can't seem to sort things out.

i always thought i could manage things well, that i could handle whatever's thrown at me, that i could say "it's ok" come what may.

apparently not, as recent events demonstrate.

i'm not even half as stressed out, half as taxed or half as close to the point of breakdown as the extremes i've been subjected to by the pressures of work and what-not before.

but it seems the motivation to pick myself up, to reignite the "carpe diem" spirit, is long dead.

why? in attempting to manage everything, it seems i have achieved nothing. nothing of real note anyway, nothing of significance in this game we call life.

i need answers. soon.

relive

2009-07-27T00:02:00.002+08:00

another birthday has come and gone, and i can't believe how dead this blog is.

i'm writing less and less (publicly, anyway), and taking in more and more. read, that is.

been struck with a sudden urge to re-read what i used to read, and it's a really special feeling when you rediscover the spark of magic that childhood novels place in all of us.

it's nice to relive the magic, no?

happy birthday

2009-07-13T19:35:00.006+08:00

happy birthday to me! :D

a big thankyou to all those who've wished me happy birthday here! x) it's really heart-warming to read the messages from friends. (:

and a bigger thankyou to natday comm plus my awesome og for the birthday cakes. glutton galore! :D

but oh well, i don't even want to talk about what else happened today.

Of the license to blog and 4 Minutes

2009-07-01T00:02:00.002+08:00

no idea what I'm doing on blogger, when I've got 2 papers tomorrow (the busiest day on record for CTs).

but it's the final 2 papers, and i will officially start laughing at peeps who haven't finished their papers, and get my 24/48 hours of HELM-ers-rawkz0rs while others continue mugging. x)

and then again, it's Lit tomorrow, so i thought some practice (even on as bullshit a medium as this one) might be good. x) stylistic practice, eh?

"4 Minutes" is currently blasting via my iTunes now, and the song's sentiment pretty much is how i've been feeling the past 2 days during Econs and (especially) Hist essay papers. the right arm feels mysteriously detached after 90 minutes of non-stop action, and uhh i mean history paper writing.

oh well, CTs have been a major shocker, and i can't even imagine the mess we'd have to mop up when we get our CT scores back.

but we'd live to see another day, i think. :D

blockout

2009-06-14T01:40:00.002+08:00

finally into council blockout now, aka the final 2 weeks of the holidays. it's a relief, really, to finally take a reprieve from council saigang and take some time to sort myself out.

ironically, blockout also brings with it a great sense of dread, and this is when we start to wonder if we've left enough time to study for the oh-so-scary CTs.

oh well, all the best for mugging and all, people. just clearing some thoughts before beginning a hard 2 weeks of mugging tomorrow. x)

on another note, i can't figure out exactly why i'm blogging less and less frequently. i guess it's partly because i've no longer as much time for blogging, or as much enthusiasm for writing in the white box that i'm typing away in.

and then during the rare moments when the impulse to write is overwhelmingly strong, i'd jot it down in somewhere else instead, too afraid to blog here. oh well.

29ths. :D

2009-06-01T19:25:00.003+08:00

i know this has been due a long time, but i must confess it's a difficult task trying to get out of the procrastination mode in putting up photos. xD

in the random mood for photos and random things like these now, so there, haha.

on a sidenote, invest was a real bad-hair day, so pardon the big black mess on my head. :/
(then again, there're those who argue that EVERY day is a bad-hair day for me, but that day was just plain worse. xD)

random peeps after invest, during/after clean-up. xD

court shoes galore! ouch though.

bishan-toapayoh peeps!

OGL!

shijia!

Campaign-mates. Long way since then. xD

random awesome gang. :D

ditto. xD

alison the camwhore pro. :D

tingzhang, aka the man behind griffles. :D

random shot of post-invest. :D

bros, for life. :D

bw-councillors, past and present.

OGL tiddy + dennis. :D

npcc alumni.

mum. :D

29ths!

29th Council Invest

2009-05-18T23:59:00.003+08:00

it's amazing really, these past 5 months... incredible. new friends, new teachers, new subjects, new commitments, on a totally different plane from before. in fact, i think i've gone through more emotional rollercoasters in the past 5 months than in the past year. or came close anyway, considering how deep the troughs and how high the peaks were last years. ****ing brilliant, how i've survived the emotional torture.

despite all that, 've been adapting reasonably well and managing relatively well, but i don't want to get stuck in just "managing" things. there's this growing desire to break free from just handling everything reasonably, to excelling in whatever i set my mind to. and if there's to be any time i get started on this, today is as good as any. it's time, and i couldn't agree more.

with so much going on recently, i did think that nothing'd inspire me to blog anyore. but today has been a very special day, and i guess it'd only do my memory of today justice if i at least left some of the thoughts in words, in print (ok, at least online -.-).

the 29th Students' Council Investiture has been a real blast (for us anyway, sorry peeps who had to sit through the entire ceremony watching people you don't really know receive certificates and badges), and zomg, photo-craze after the invest was simply mind-blowing. camwhoring is so physically demanding, it should be made an Olympic sport, and now that's something Singapore may finally win a gold medal in.

the camera does indeed capture a little of one's soul with every shot, i think, contrary to popular opinion about the old-wives' tale.

i promise promise the next post will be photo spammage. it's been a long long time since this blog has seen photos on its front page. sigh. x)

and readership's at an all-time low... :/ if you're reading this (probably 3 weeks after i wrote this anyway), please come back regularly! i promise promise to update more too.

'cause i know you do give a damn. xD

29ths, it's time.

Livin' on a prayer

2009-04-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

Whooah, we're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer.

AD ALERT.

2009-04-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

http://teeproject09.wordpress.com/

a favor to Raffles Entre, lol.

heaven&hell

2009-04-19T14:26:00.004+08:00

council camp's finally over, and we've all been through so so much in the past 3 days, that my mind's in a blur at how to put the thoughts and emotions into words.

to understate things a little, council camp was tough, but how else were we, a batch of 85 unique, diverse and very different personalities, to bond and unite?

i could go into a long lecture about actual historical cases here, but i suppose that we, a bunch of j1 elects who had not THAT much in common before the camp, were only able to come together so quickly only in such a high-pressure environment. it's simple physics, no? doubt any of us would be able to forget the experience anytime soon.

in this age of cynicism, it's easy to dismiss the ideals and values that one may claim to have a hold on, but the camp provided a timely reminder. often, cliches become cliche because of the element of truth in them, and the fact that they are told to us so often ought not to diminish the truth in them.

the only way i can conceive of balancing cold, hard reality, with the loftier ideals in life, is to adopt a rational and skeptical attitude towards the very concept of cynicism, itself - facing up to life's harsher bits, while keeping the positive outlook that keeps us sane.

guess council camp provided a few timely reminders about this business with cynicism.

we've all taken away so so much from the camp, and i'm really grateful for such a great batch to have gone through so much with.

and thanks buddy CHERYL for all the food, concern and what not you've given me, and never underestimate the power of mindless conversation ("do stars really twinkle?") - it does keep one from getting TOO hard-up on thinking about the loftier thigns in life.

awesome stuff, really, council camp.

"the madness of chasing dreams doesn't matter anymore..."

like a moth to a flame

2009-04-14T20:11:00.006+08:00

it's cool how the urge to write (it's hardly worthy of the term inspiration, not in my case anyway) can strike so often when the circumstances are right.

you know one often uses symbols to represent the personalities of the people around us? the calm and steady are associated with images of immovable boulders, the free-spirited are compared to the wind, the bright and cheery likened to the sun.

and then there are those, the beacons of light in the great darkness, whose dispositions attract the devotion and attention of others, almost like the allure of a flame to unknowing moths, moths too absorbed to understand the futility of their flight nor their imminent plight.

the business of human attraction can be a fatal one, and oft leaves scars that take a long time to heal. painful, really.

more often than not, it is the (relatively) free-spirited beings in our midst who irresisitibly capture our devotions, their very charm and allure deriving from their seeming carefree-ness. they are the very ones who bring color to our lives, and who allow us to see that life is indeed beautiful.

人因不完，而美。

and it'd be fair to keep that in mind, and consider the very possibility of snuffing out these candles amongst us if we were to fly into them headlong.

/edit: and today grants another credo of truth to a saying i've read of in passing before. happiness and meaning are mutually exclusive in life, for happiness lies in the present and the now, whereas meaning is derived from the past and one's memories. one simply can't have both, and for now, i'd swing towards meaning.

dear, dear reader

2009-04-12T19:22:00.002+08:00

dear, dear reader,

i sincerely apologize if you're being driven up the walls by all these metaphysical speculation, either in boredom, exasperation, or incomprehension.

i know the feeling, for i can't begin to fathom what's going on either.

and to those who're looking at all the teenage angst and smiling with a knowing look, i'll always be one step ahead of you in the never-ending chain of meta-cognition. go figure.

2009-04-12T17:52:00.002+08:00

it's funny, isn't it?

how easily we forget, in our day-to-day dealings with the mundane, what's core to ourselves, what's truly important in our lives, and what makes up who we really are.

the mundane distracts us from what's beyond the mundane. it's the endless buzz in our eyes, the blurry smoke that clouds our vision.

it seems these days that only a good read can rejuvenate the soul, worn down from day to day in the wheel-and-deal of life, but the time for that sort of "leisure" diminishes faster than Coke down a gullet.

but today, at least, one can look a new week in its face (a little more refreshed, perhaps), and say, "Here we go again."

2009-04-09T21:27:00.004+08:00

it is your hand that i wish to hold, your embrace that i seek, your warmth which i want to feel, your eyes i pray to behold, and your heart i desire to touch.

But... I am Pagliacci

2009-04-08T22:15:00.002+08:00

exhaustion is addling my brain, but here i am anyway. x)

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears and says, "But Doctor… I am Pagliacci."

comic? or tragic?

shagged, but no no longer fearful

2009-04-06T22:08:00.002+08:00

i am shagged.

which is all i can say about how i am now, cause it's been a really really long time since i had a proper rest.

nothing has changed much about the fear i'm facing, but instead of cowering and getting totally creeped out, i'd take it by its very horns.

look Fear in the very eye, and deny it victory.

i will.

2009-04-02T00:32:00.001+08:00

damn, i'm really afraid.

of fear and thinking about fear

2009-04-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

we all have our own fears, and our fears often reflect our weaknesses - the "soft" underbelly where we're most vulnerable.

and that is why we only share our fears with our dearest of friends, and when it's a fear that's too dark to be shared, we might even pen it down privately, all these done in vain attempts to "deal" with these fears.

perhaps batman's very allure lies in his reputation as the Man with No Fear, one who has come out infinitely stronger after overcoming his dark childhood.

there's one particular fear i have now, however, and it creeps me out so bad that i don't even want to think about it. even referring it in this roundabout manner now appears to give a little more form and shape to the fear.

i'm creeped out, seriously.

campaigning

2009-03-26T00:45:00.003+08:00

it's only been the first day of campaigning, and i'm shagged as hell.

what with class camp to MOUNT O'FEAR (ophir) tomorrow, i mean, later today.

oh well, but it's worth keeping in mind what i went into this campaign for, and at the same time, be reminded of how others have fought infinitely tougher campaigns and yet came out with infinitely more energy than the likes of us nominees.

ftw, people, ftw.

and as a little bit more about campaigning:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=58850659674

join this facebook group, if you're rooting for anyone in our campaign team - cassandra, weixiang, reshmi, and myself. ((:

'd be back on sunday evening, and i do hope more pledges of support will come in. it's cliche, but every vote does count, and every vote can make or break us nominees' chances.

and if you've been reading this blog with any regularity, you probably know me well enough to decide if you're voting for me, so ah well, hope you're there on voting day. x)

2009-03-21T22:44:00.002+08:00

there's been so much that's been going on, i'm losing myself sometimes, in all senses of the term, haha.

i keep fretting if this or that has been the right decision made, and it does kind of get on one's nerves, a lot.

there're just too many things on offer, too many opportunities to consider, too many options available. it ain't about the "road less taken" anymore. there're so many possible routes to take, and so many people running amok amongst them - mind-boggling's the word.

i'm not even blogging much these days anymore, i guess. the urge to write's still there, but somehow not as strong as before, and inspiration strikes less often these days.

enough of such mindless rambling anyway, since i'm probably boring you. adieu.

2009-03-15T21:16:00.002+08:00

picked up contacts today, and it took me a good half an hour to learn how to put it on. xD oh and take it off, haha.

and my newer pair of specs totally suck, i.e. the black pair that i was wearing through the dec hols, january's induction and the first two days of orientation.

ever since i broke that one, i've been wearing the older pair (the brown one). now that i've gotten the new pair fixed, i still wanna stick with the old pair though.

all in a sunday's trip to malaysia.

theatre

2009-03-15T01:01:00.004+08:00

went to the theatre today to catch Tales of Hoffmann, an opera, and since i never saw myself as an opera guy, i went there with pretty low expectations.

well, i guess i at least got exposed to what opera is really like, although "never again" seems to be the common refrain amongst most of us. xD

the only thing that marred the performance was the subtitles, however, particularly in the last two acts. the words just didnt come out at the right times, and nobody understood anything after that point.

so there was the first bit about theatre. on another note, i'm still in shock over how the theatre of dreams turned into the theatre of nightmares for man-u fans.

i swear i'm gonna get nightmares over this. 4-1.

ferguson please do something.

2009-03-11T21:25:00.001+08:00

it just sucks to be stuck in inaction, to watch everyone go by in their assorted activities, while i have to go home, alone.

dramafest!

2009-03-08T00:27:00.003+08:00

just got back home from Drama Fest, and it sure was a good show. :D

best play went to MT (along with best actor, best actress and best ensemble), and i guess it was a really deserved win. a small cast played a multitude of roles seamlessly and it was really entertaining the way they dealt with the entire issue on which the play was based. x)

does serve as a reminder of the literal and not-so-literal pains that members of the fairer sex go through so often though, i guess.

on another note, i personally felt that the bw play should have been accorded more points, and i never did see why bb got away with best script.

oh well, but i did really enjoy bw's play and it's sure been a great night of fun. :D

kudos to lyn, shaina, guiqi, yiwei, mchia and co for the awesome coordination too. whoohoo.

2009-02-25T00:09:00.002+08:00

've been blogging so little, i wonder if i'm still considered a blogger at all. xD

but life in jc is fun, rather fulfilling and jam-packed with things that go 'boom' and 'bang' arund us, and most of the time i'm too tired to bother with blogging about them anyway.

and on the other side of things, a quick look at the stat counter thingy shows that blog readership is like, at an all-time low. but ah well, just as the writer's too busy to update, the situation should be none-too-different for the reader.

guess i've been away for so long i don't know what to say anymore.

incoherent rantings

2009-02-18T23:30:00.003+08:00

i wonder if i've gotten soft or something, but there must be something wrong when i'm feeling insanely shagged during the first week of actual lessons (and all the other random nonsense that comes after school hours).

the days go by so quickly, it's almost as though i'm somewhat detached from the happenings around me too... every lesson, and every tutorial class zooms by so quickly, i can hardly take stock of what's happening.

and after the second day of this week, i crashed, and uhh i fell asleep before i could get any work done. not that it matters at this stage of the year, but i really wonder if i can step up and meet the coming months head-on.

it doesn't help that i'm subjecting my knees to constant abuse in floorball training, and the constant bombardment one is subjected to as keeper. as well as the mental concentration, the horror!

but oh well, through it all, i'm having DAMN LOT of fun (though painful at times), and i wonder if a key sign of jc life is that you need to start seeking psychiatric help regarding masochism.

oh well, someone up there in the heavens above? HELP ME.

of o'rientation, o'tiero, o'erh!, and other o's :D

2009-02-07T18:55:00.004+08:00

orientation's over now, and it's sure sure been helluva week.

amidst all the fun and joy, the new injuries i picked up, the flash of fever i got struck down with, orientation's sure been memorable.

and however reluctantly so, we know that school's back in season again.

i'm not quite certain about how others feel about o'week, but going by the number of facebook statuses and msn personal messages, i guess it's a general feeling of sadness that orientation has ended, and an immense sense of pride in one's og.

and then there might be the rare few who're just relieved after a most hectic week, but ah well.

whatever the case, i'm really really glad that i've had BW02 - O'erh! to stick it through with for the whole of this past week, and i guess it's been great getting to know each and every one of you guys. (hope the feeling's mutual, but we all know the exception's with shukiat. xD ok no offence there, shukiat, if you're reading this. :D)

the classic moments we had, like Brent going...

"Can I be... a girl?"

during captain's ball, when our ogls jokingly told us that only girls can shoot.

all the retarded, crazy moments that we always have, like spending the whole night deciding where to eat on friday, and what not. xD

how we stood out in our yellow ponchos and Lala hairbands...

but oh well, it's really been great fun, hasn't it?

"BW02, what's your group name again arh?"

"O'erh! You mean you didn't know?"

danianchusan

2009-01-28T23:43:00.002+08:00

today is the 3rd day of the new lunar year, and i must say it's _______ awesomely auspicious!

because i see red every where!

my knees are the brightest spot of red around, i can find, cause uhh 'keeping in floorball goes really hard on the knees.

and the accidental slip during the last round of shots meant that quite a bit of skin decided to detach itself from my knee, and zomg-levels of pain hit.

bathing with that kind of injury (on both knees, the right knee's one is like two twnety-cent coins' size) was the most painful sensation i've ever endured in aeons. i still wonder how i didnt bite off my tongue in sheer pain and agony.

went over to the doctor's after dinner, and got some antibacterial cream and wash. i now have some stick-on thingy to put on when i need to wear long pants or something too.

oh well, sure hope the skin on my knees toughen up, and i now fully appreciate the job of any goalkeeper from any sport.

oh well. (:

AND oh, the most irritating thing was that while i was about to take out some coins to spare the cashier at the doctor's the need to count out change, i poked myself just underneath my right thumb's thumbnail with the prefect badge that was lying dangerously in my wallet coin pouch.

SIAN.

ok that last one was a wussy injury that won't even cause me much difficulty with anything, but uhh the knees thingy is... ouch. suppposedly out for at least a week anyway.

oh well, and on a totally random note, i hereby announce that jingxian, kenneth koh and sean are the first friends-that-i-have that came up to my place. they went away with an unexpected windfall of hongbaos cause my mum's friends happened to be visiting too. x)

at this point, it must be said that the author is incapacitated by exhaustion and needs to get going now. for now, folks.

and a happy chinese new year;

2009-01-24T09:40:00.001+08:00

oh well, here's wishing everyone a great long weekend ahead, and a very happy chinese new year. (:

'd be in malaysia over the break (as with any other cny break in my entire life), so i thought i'd do my well-wishes early.

yoowhoo, chinese new year!

trackback: sexism

2009-01-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

well, there's been some sort of response to this previous blogpost i wrote, entitled "sexism - the other side". and i thought there were a few issues which needed clarifying, so here i am back again.

first and foremost, i cannot stress enough that i have no issues with the legitimate movement of feminism. i do not oppose sexual equality, and am most definitely NOT chauvinist.

what i'm merely pointing out, is that people who make unfair statements about males in general often get away with it (and in fact get a good laugh), whereas such statements made about females in a public setting will probably bring about uproar and disrepute of the speaker involved.

also, i also wanted to point out the way in which males can often be bullied (physically, psychologically or otherwise) by females with no manner of recourse for the poor male victim. for example, if a guy has just suffered verbal abuse from a female, societal expectations demand that he shrug them off and carry on with whatever he was doing, lest accusations of him being "ungentlemanly" and "petty" are hurled.

i merely initiated a plea to any reader to consider that point, and perhaps be a tad nicer when ridiculing the male species there. i'm not running a "Bash-Women-To-Where-They-Belong" campaign here...

and lastly, i thought i'd take up LKC's point here:

LKC tells us that "there isn't a difference between people of different skin colour (well, besides skin colour), but brains (and traits) of males and females have been proven to be different".

now, where is that proof? perhaps he can enlighten us about the kind of proof he might know about, so that we can better continue this discussion.

the nature of studies attempting to prove inherent differences in the general traits of men and women is that these studies would often measure the "traits" in applied behavior. this means that if an observer notices that men normally behave in this manner in a given situation, and women would normally react in another way given the same circumstances, he notes that there are general differences between males' and females' behavior.

the problem with that, however, is that these so called "general traits" may not necessarily be due to mere inherent genetic differences, and may also be due to the social constructs our society has placed upon us. for example, it's often accepted that young boys ought to play with toy guns or figurines of G.I. Joe, while girls should perhaps be playing with dolls and dollhouses, along with associated accessories. but don't we realize that given different circumstances in which our society developed, the accepted social norm might well be reversed... perhaps young boys ought to be playing with dolls, and girls ought to be having fun with miniature G.I. Joe figurines.

sounds confusing? put another way, what i'm trying to say, is that society often demands that males act in a certain manner (being chivalrous, gentlemanly, etc), and that females act in another (being ladylike, etc). such expectations help shape our behavior, and may very well shape whatever differences we observe in the general traits of men and women.

and even if there ARE indeed genetic differences that are manifested in the different behaviors of men and women (say, their brains are wired differently), what now?

every individual person is a free being, capable of independent thought and movement, and most importantly, capable of independent experience. while genetic influences may indeed exist, how an individual does turn out in the end is a combination of "nature" and "nurture". it would be greatly unfair to pin adjectives or labels on a person simply because of his/her gender, as that would disregard whatever influences that might come under the "nurture" category.

with all that being said, i hope i have addressed why any social label (be it race, gender, religion, etc) should thus never be be used to perpetuate stereotypes. the scourge of stereotyping ought to be purged, for stereotypes are products of a lazy mind merely comfortable with categorizing under untrue and oversimplified labels, and definitely smacks of intellectual slothiness.

after all, the real life out there is much more complicated than this.

inauguration!

2009-01-20T23:25:00.003+08:00

catching the us presidential inauguration on cnn.com/live and channelnewsasia currently, and it really is amazing how so many people are watching the ceremony worldwide, together.

obamamania is at an all-time high, and the whole world appears to be pinning their hopes on this one man to deal with every problem there is, from the the financial crisis to climate change to the palestinian-israeli conflict.

one sure hopes that he'd be able to justify the support everyone has been giving him thus far, and i guess everyone will keep their eyes very keenly on obama...

oh well, and on another note, it's cool that i got somewhat of a response to my previous post, and i sure would be posting a response to all that's been said thus far. hmm, stay tuned.

sexism: the other side

2009-01-16T22:02:00.003+08:00

according to the wonderful pages of wikipedia, the movement of feminism began as early as the nineteenth century, and i thought i'd just make use of this opportunity to publish my most heartfelt congratulations on the success of the movement.

the official definition of feminism seems to be such: it is a belief in the right of women to have political, social, and economic equality with men (according to wiki anyway, b8ut it does appear sound).

i don't have any problems with that particular belief, but i just thought there might be some interesting observations to be made about the manifestations of that belief in our wonderful, modern-age society.

you see, several times today already, i've seen sexist remarks stuffed down our throats (us guys), and as we are all supposed to be nice decent gentlemen, we're still dictated by the norms of society to smile politely and go "thank you very much" in the face of sheer verbal discrimination.

"you see, girls, pw is not easy. for example, having to work with guys is a challenge, they're not as on-task, and it can be difficult getting work out of them."

remarks such as the one above are pretty common. and besides emphasising the oh-so-many negative attributes of guys, we're reminded of how girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice.

"our (unnamed all-female secondary school) girls are very nice people... and some of the guys might get the wrong ideas and end up broken-hearted, blah blah blah."

it's something to joke or laugh about, mostly, even in the most polite circles. and it doesn't help that men themselves make similar jokes about their very own gender. i guess the implications of such statements are only seen, when religion/race/any other social label is used in place of gender.

imagine the uproar in public circles should anyone even dare to suggest that a particular race is superior in terms of intellect over other races. it just isn't right, ain't it?

announcing that girls universally possess certain virtues that guys somehow lack doesn't earn you scorn or cries of "discrimination". it earns you accolades and the honours of being labelled a feminist rights champion.

as for making such observations as i am now, i may be labelled a MCP, or much much uglier stuff. because of the expectations of being a gentleman, and because of the remaining vestiges of some chivalric code, i'm supposed to laugh at sexist jokes made at males' expense, not make "interesting observations" that suggest otherwise.

point is, feminism has come a long way, but it'd be nice remembering it was a movement of sexual equality. in most modern societies, we've already reached a point where men and women stand equal before the law, with women often being given additional protection in some form of a Women's Charter. that's a great success and something that i'm truly happy for. but on top of the equal treatment men and women are accorded, it seems that additional social obligations and expectations are squeezed unto men.

we all know how a man might push his way around women (literally or otherwise), and we know just how evil such acts are. any such acts are punished severely in many forms, and such men are derided socially and often dealt with legally in the more serious cases. but a woman who acts similarly on men around her, enjoys a position that is most peculiar. any male victims of her doing have precious few ways of recourse, and are socially expected to swallow any grudge and be a gentleman.

and no, don't misunderstand me, "gentleman" is not a dirty word in my dictionary. but it'd be nice, really, if people might stop and think for a moment before making sexist jokes at the expense of guys, and consider if the joke is really just pure good fun. or could it conceal some not-so-nice, or even malicious, intent?

everyone can do with a bit more of good fun, but everyone sure can deal with a little less malice, or impetus for malice in this nasty planet we call our home.

after all, be nice. (:

Quote of the Day

2009-01-14T23:02:00.000+08:00

小娘惹 is a 44-episode... rant! - Pearl

2009-01-04T01:27:00.002+08:00

oh, on a sidenote, i've finally finally added a self-description to the blog!

wheee, congrats to moi!

and if you're wondering what the heck is going on because you never clicked on the four boxes above, then i suggest you start clicking around.

have fun. :D

resolutions

2009-01-04T00:36:00.002+08:00

it's already the fourth day in the new year, and looking back, there's sure been a lot to reflect on for the past year, and even more to look forward to, in this new year.

and i guess this typical new-year-resolution-reflection post comes just a little late, but i have my reasons, having been away from singapore from the 26th to the 31st, staying over at cousin's place in malaysia. and oh, being at the marina bay countdown celebrations watching the fireworks was spectacular too (especially given the company, yes you).

looking back on 2008, it's been a year full of more ups and downs than i care to even remember, and i guess in this one year, i've went through so much, it kinda amazes me it all happened in one year.

looking back at the same period last year, it was a time when i was slogging my heart out in preparation for the new year and the new responsiblities it meant. the orientation camps, the leadership positions in the prefectorial board and npcc, it all meant so much then.

and oh, speaking of which, there were the many resolutions too, and i guess i didn't fare too badly, did i? aiming for that >3.8 gpa and falling short by getting a 3.8, striving to do well in the world scholar's cup and scraping some medals in the world finals in seoul, i guess it's been a fulfilling year that way.

it, however, comes as a rather late realization that all my so-called resolutions were school-related, which reflects the state of how much of a "life" i could claim to have then.

but the year's been more than just about academia, and other school-related activities brought home unexpected surprises. apcg was quite indeed a lot of fun, and the friends we've all made (both local and overseas) will be remembered for quite a while, i'm sure.

ah, and the memory of a certain day in the lovely month of june in the year 2008 will always be burned unto my mind, and i guess that's something that made me grow up quite a bit too.

eoys came and went, and even o-levels went us by, and we've all made it though. (ok, i'm not so sure about o's, but who cares! xD)

and oh, the biggest "takeaway" of 2008 for moi came towards the end, and it might well remain the biggest "takeway" of '09 and the year after that, and the year after that, and the year after that, well, you get the idea... and my my, you've sure been worth waiting for. (:

looking ahead, i have less complicated plans as compared to last year, but that doesn't make achieving them any easier, does it?

for one, academics remain numero uno, since they're just about my only bargaining chips for just about anything with my parents, and with my future. it'd be tough going though, given that LITERATURE is gonna be on my timetable this year, and i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA if i might ever make it through.

and oh, who wouldn't want to get into a decent cca? i'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one too. but of course, i'm not about to let the physical self degenerate into obese oblivion, regardless of the cca i end up in. x)

that about makes up the more corporeal aims that i'm looking forward to achieve, and since i adore symmetry, there're two more less objectified resolutions that i thought i ought to pen down.

the first is a simple one, and i merely wish to become a better person, in all senses of the word. be it being a son, a student, a Rafflesian, whatever.

and the second, is also not a very complicated resolution. i merely wish that you would be there with me to walk through every step of 2009.

have a good and happy new year ahead, everyone. just 361 days to go. (:

random rant

2008-12-21T23:57:00.003+08:00

came back from a day trip to malaysia in the evening, and the exhaustion seems to be getting to me a little now.

been sleeping at late hours the past week, and waking up too early to feel i've gotten enough sleep.

so yeah, it is kinda getting to me now. x)

and oh, on the trip to malaysia, the new immigration complex in malaysia really deserves a word.

two narrow lanes leading to the complex where cars and buses fight it out just won't cut it, yo.

surely one would have enough sense to take stock of the sheer volume of traffic that has to go through the Causeway every single day.

but the Malaysian authorities didn't think so, and just look at the papers to get a feel of how chaotic the situation can get in the morning.

i wonder how the likes of Edward can arrive in school on time next year too, hmm.

grow some brains, yo.

on another note, it's back to school in the morning, for some student leaders (of '09) workshop. 'd be going down to render some shall-we-say assistance, and it should be fun. whoohoo.

it feels great to be going back to school again... (of course, knowing that i wont be stepping into a proper classroom helps)

i wonder what icebreakers biquan'd have come up with, hmm.

of job completion, and photo-gazing

2008-12-15T01:12:00.004+08:00

it's been a long while since a proper post, so i thought i'd just put in one here, while we're at it.

just completed my 2-day job assignment on saturday, and i'd swear off stocktaking for the rest of my life.

well, basically the job involved wading through decades of dust and doing mindless counting for a total of 11.5 hours over two days (the first day alone was a 9-hour day, but that includes a one-hour lunch, so).

oh well, it's a lousy job luh, but i guess the experience was worth giving it a try.

i swear i should have just taken the job that hongrui offered without blinking, but oh well, haha.

it's really tough looking for a job with times like these anyway.

just looked through photos left in my phone's photo-album, so erm i'd just put them up on facebook... some day. xD

(meeting mrs slater again tomorrow, and yesh, it's been so so long before we last met last thursday to catch up. xD)

shuffle.

2008-12-15T00:21:00.002+08:00

Someone said I wasn't blogging anymore, so I thought I'd prove you wrong! Muahahaha.

I do still visit my blog btw, so erm random people, do keep up the tags! x)

Oh well, here's something stupid and brainless, a meme!

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!

How do you feel today?
Crashed - Daughtry

(from all the running about this week, i guess, i do feel a little so...)

What’s your outlook on life?

Ice Cream - DNR

(what can i say? xD)

What does your family think of you?

Superwoman - 曹格

(NOOOOOOOOOOO.)

What do your friends think of you?
暧昧 - 曾咏霖

(uhh i dont really want to get romantically involved with everyone...)

What do strangers think of you?

All These Lives - Daughtry

(lol.)

Will you get married?
杀手 - 林俊杰

(oh no, i'd get killed by her, and she's a stalker-necrophile. AHH.)

Are you good at school?
滚开 - Milk(牛奶)
(hahaha, yeah, get lost man.)

Will you be successful?
Next Ex-Girlfriend - Bowling for Soup

(doesnt sound good, doesn't it?)

What song should they play on your birthday?
Hero/Heroine - Boys Like Girls

(thankew thankew.)

What song should they play at your graduation?
Come Home - One Republic

(woah, emo.)

The Soundtrack of your life?
If It Kills Me - Jason Mraz

(lol. i guess all lives end in... death?)

You and your best friends are?
Over The Rainbow - 张韶涵

(whoohooo!)

Happy times:
我们的歌 - 王力宏

(yay, let's sing "our song". :D)

Sad times:
Butterfly - Jason Mraz

(okay weird.)

Every day:
Faint - Linkin Park

(HOYEAH.)

For tomorrow:
柠檬草味道 - Jolin 蔡依林
(the smell of lemongrass...? hmm.)

For you:
Maneater - Nelly Furtado

(LOL.)

What does next year have in store for me?
Teenagers - My Chemical Romance

(oh i guess i'd see a lot of them. xD)

What do I say when life gets too hard?
To Find My Paradise - 五月天&纪晓君

(woah, i'm sure i'm so idyllic.)

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
回来吧 - 五月天

(what say you, my fiancee? ok nvm.)

What do you want as your career?
Viva La Vida - Coldplay

(no i dont want to be a roadsweeper. sigh.)

Your favorite saying?
K-O - 林俊杰

(haha KNOCKOUT.)

How will I die?
温柔 - 五月天

(thank god, i'd die gently. xD)

What is some good advice for me?
What About Now - Daughtry

(yeah, i guess that's good advice.)

How can I make myself happy?

影子的爱情故事 - 林峰

(yeah, that used to be true, but even now, i'm content to be the shadow of the one i love. (: )

What song will they play at my funeral?
姑娘 - 曹格

(-.-)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
The Little Things Give You Away - Linkin Park

(i guess...)

What do I think my current theme song is?
I Wish - Maeda Ai

(i wish i knew. (: )

A NEW LIFE.

2008-12-01T18:22:00.005+08:00

went back to malaysia over the weekend to attend my baby cousin's first-month-in-this-world celebration! x)

the night before the occasion though, over at my grandma's place somewhere in a southern town of Johore, i was watching Hellboy II with my uncle way past midnight, and it turned out to be quite a chat.

a few questions from my uncle set me thinking and thought deeply about how i've spent my time this holidays.

i've been searching for a job the past 2 weeks, and in between that, i've been whiling time away reading or watching drama serials i never had the time to watch.

it's quite a nice feeling to just while away your time, but after a month, you do get kinda restless.

and it seems the only reason why i wanna get a job is cause my parents keep bugging me to anyway (so i don't spend ALL my time at home).

i guess it's time to spend the so-many free hours in a somewhat more meaningful way, and what better way to do that than to spend time doing things you might never get the time/chance to do again?

for the guys amongst us, the only extended periods of free time we have would be the dec hols right now, the time before NS, and whatever time you have after NS and before your enrolment in a university.

after a university education, one really might be plunged straight into the workforce, and not get the time to do things which you might regret later on in your life if you didn't try them.

pick up an exotic musical instrument, write a novel, extreme sports, whatever works. x)

and erm for me, i prefer activities which are a little more mundane, but ah well, that's me.

so here's resolving to go running regularly, tone the body, and err get back the pull-up count. xD

(today is Day 1 of A NEW LIFE: and i actually went running today! 30min non-stop, and i can feel my body ironing out the kinks as i run, cause the stitches got less bad as i continued running. let's see if i last. xD)

and oh, actually start blogging and writing regularly. x)

ohohoh, and i know this ain't anything near "spectacular" or "exotic", but any APCG peeps reading this... cycle to Changi and watch planes fly, anyone?

and in response to this on pearl's blog,

"enjoy your 16th year!" says my blog,

and oh, i really don't have much creativity with cards, do i? :P

mouse mouse!

2008-11-28T18:22:00.001+08:00

yay i finally got a proper mouse for my laptop!

-does a little jig- xD

whee.

comeback

2008-11-21T23:28:00.004+08:00

i'm not sure if i'm cut out to be a critic/reviewer/one-of-those-b******s-who-comment-on-your-piece-of-art-or-performance-or-whatever, but i'd give it a shot anyway. comeback was a pretty good show after all.

the plot is reminiscent of step up 2 and follows the story of george, who in running away from her grandmother, meets all sorts of interesting people at a night club with the dubious name of Fortune 88.

the idea of using britney's songs for the musical was a truly solid one, and i liked the way most of the songs fitted in really well into the plot. but the first two items didnt turn out as well. perhaps the dancers/performers were just getting warmed up or something. but they did get warmed up, as the plot developed, and went really well after that.

george (played by Alison, according to the programme sheet) did a fairly good job in carrying the musical, since the musical's based on her story after all, and the dancing turned out well. her song at the end was pretty good too, but too bad the mike kind-of marred the singing. the way she dressed and the overall feel really reminded one of Briana Evigan in step up 2.

lucy (played by ruoting), the divorce attorney, was one of the best on stage, and her song on the park bench with the cleaner (played by rachel miao) was easily one of the best items of the evening. it was really damn good, and i'd want a recording of that part, man. the play-off between the two, one an attorney, one a janitor, was fun to watch, but i suppose the change from the mid-life crisis-ing lady to the suddenly-much-more enlightened one was a little drastic.

there was one particular scene which irked me a little at first though, and 'twas the one in the toilet with the attorney who'd just finished throwing up. it was an entertaining scene, but it didn't appear to move the plot in any direction at first, and i thought for a while that it might just be a fancy sideshow. ruoting's taking the centre stage for a quite a while later on even made me wonder if she might have taken the spotlight in a disproportionately huge manner. but subsequent developments convinced me otherwise though, so i may have been oversensitive or something. my analysis phaills here. x)

but i guess the grandma character was also played really well, for you couldn't tell she wasn't really a grandma after all, and god knows if she really MIGHT be a grandma.

LAO BAN (played by yifei) was another star of the evening, and it was a convincing, ass-smacking performance. :D the accent was just about right, but it did make catching of the jokes about all the animal-analogies just a little difficult...

the kungpao chicks provided much laughter, of course, as they were intended to, but as i was remarking to a friend, the two need to synchro just a little more, when being sluttish and all.

and of course, the love story of the bartender and the deejay was pretty cool, and it was funny watching avril and jan play out the two characters so convincingly. i overheard one of the members of the audience speculating about the REAL gender of jan, so i suppose she could take that in a good way (her acting was convincing after all). the singing was pretty okay, but the pure wonderfulness of the song picked covered up for anything anyway.

i suppose the dancers and the singers provided great support for the main cast too, and hearing that some of the dancers did not have any background prior to this makes me wanna kowtow in respect (bao was pro!). the dancers were pretty composed when certain bloopers occured after all, LIKE WHEN THE UMBRELLA OPENED THE WRONG WAY.

on the whole, it was a solid performance by cast and crew, but certain bloopers might have marred an otherwise-perfect occasion. but i suppose with this being the first show they're putting up, there might always be some teething problems, and i believe the subsequent two shows should be pretty awesome.

the plot, though cliche, must be one that reaches out to most in the audience too (it is an RGS musical after all), given one of the themes of "not a girl, not yet a woman". but what might have been found wanting was the lack of a twist to the plot, and it was a simple build-up and happy end-off/finale to the whole event.

songs-wise, my personal favorite was the one with the janitor playing the guitar, singing a duet with ruoting, and it was a really moving performance. the finale was also a good one, and with it being the all-classic song that makes britney who she is, i suppose they did carry it off well. the stop-for-a-moment poses would have made awesome still shots if the lighting was right too.

can anyone send me a list of the songs performed anyway?

/edit: it was a pain sitting where i was though, with unpleasant neighbours sitting behind us. certain comments/questions come off as really stupid (not to mention unnecessarily noisy) in the theatre, and it's a shame that they come from the same school as us. food and drinks are obvious no-nos in a school theatre too, but too bad some people lack the sense to know that. it was most embarrassing to be lumped together with them when an rgs teacher approached us too.

life's goooood.

2008-11-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

since it's the hols now, it's kinda hard to find enough groove going to start on new posts, but i suppose today's really been a lurrrrvely day, and it's even the 2nd post of the day!

after the trip down to bookfest earlier today, what with the purchase of enough books to give me a book-gasm (okay, ignore the connotations of that expression, but you get the idea), dad gave mum a call at about 4.50.

"有没有塞车?"

"妹啊,帮我上网check一下!"

well, turns out onemotoring.com.sg was updating its homepage, and couldn't update us as to whether the causeway was congested, my mum made a quick call to some super hotline that tells you whether the causeway is congested (on the singapore side anyway).

turns out it wasn't, and ta-da, we were off on a roadtrip to malaysia, in under 5mins' notice.

my family works like that. x)

got a new pair of sneaks (YAY) and ordered a new pair of specs here, and i guess that's pretty much a lot of money i blew today.

oh well. xD

book-nirvana

2008-11-19T15:48:00.002+08:00

today was lovely, since i returned to bookfest and came back with all the purchases that i've been hoping for.

granted, it was painful on the wallet, but i suppose that adds a new level of thrill to reading. xD

as of right now, yours truly has erm... 18 new books available for perusal. and along with the books that i borrowed from the library that day, i easily have 20+ books i'm supposed to be reading.

the heavens above are kind, indeed. x)

clueless

2008-11-16T01:52:00.003+08:00

clueless was pretty good, though it did start off on a low note. but the play found its groove by intermission and went well till the end.

went with grandma on another walk around the neighbourhood today, and it was just a little touchy handling the needs of grandma (who tires easily) and grand-aunt (who's still full of vitality).

tough tough.

of batman, superman, james bond and IOREK BYRNISON

2008-11-14T23:33:00.002+08:00

oh well, i'm proud to announce that my grandma survived a trip round the orchard area with moi. xD

like, WE DIDNT GET LOST! :O

oh well, nvm.

headed down to the library after that lil' round trip down to orchard, and i came back tugging 7 books (the loan limit's been increased after all, so why not make full use of it?).

and ta-da, there're batman and superman comics, and a fleming novel, and the last two volumes of his dark materials in my place now.

life's good.

Grad Night.

2008-11-10T02:10:00.005+08:00

it's been a night to remember, and words do no justice to the insane amounts of fun we had together one last time as the Class of 2008 in this year.

photos photos galore on facebook, and the joke's been going around that the only reason why they don't put ri's grad night and rgs's fam on the same day is 'cause facebook's servers would totally crash.

fine, it wasn't really meant to be a joke, but you can go HURHUR anyway. go you. x)

and oh:

grad night'08.

i haven't used this exclamation in decades, but it seems like the appropriate thing to say now: w00ts!

check out: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=45134&l=515ad&id=563969316

i know they're mostly pictures of moi and someone else but that's all i have for now. x)

get the rest from facebook someday, when those people still out watching movies, playing LAN, and having err nvm in rooms all over the island get back home and upload their photos.

till then!

--

and oh, avenue q was pretty decent. NO, not decent in the normal way, but decent, as in it was worth watching. not that avenue q material can be decent in the opposed-to "hehe indecent" way anyway.

i hope you got what i'm talking about, because i ain't understanding myself either, i suppose it's the late night, but this feeling of typing on and on...

yes, on and on, is just so exhilarating and erm exciting!

ooh cheap thrills for the win!

ok i suppose the late hours have really gotten to my brain now, so erm i'd go catch some sleep...

and rest my throat, since talking, shouting, screaming, singing, and UNITE ain't good for an already sore throat.

bleargh.

--

gradnight'08. (: a night to remember.

enlightenment.

2008-11-10T00:17:00.005+08:00

enlightenment.

the mere word conjures images of one who has gone beyond this world we live in, and of one who in attaining the (almost-)divine state, has severed oneself from worldly desires. or in other words, attaining enlightenment has almost become synonymous with attaining the state of ataraxia, a gentle, pleasant state devoid of worldly desires.

but much of the world often exists in bipolarities, in opposites. and to achieve enlightenment, and become a man of another world, could it be that one could try seeking for that enlightened state in the other direction?

for millennia, men have sought to tear themselves away from their lowly desires, and achieve what only human willpower can achieve. but what if we were to give in to every desire, and sink into the deepest bowels of debauchery and sin, and go even further?

and perhaps in the foulest corruption and tainting of the human mind, body and soul, one can go beyond the darkness, and come upon something... beyond?

if one can survive the tainting anyway, but in truth, it may be death in this sickest corruption that one seeks, for in death, there may be rebirth, and the death of a life may mean the start of another.

but what is enlightenment anyway?

oh well, random-ness. x)

three-point-eight

2008-11-03T22:08:00.003+08:00

i have a devastatingly good piece of news to announce.

yours truly has scraped his 3.8 flat by the skin of his teeth, thanks to moderation.

-bows down in worship of the gods that grant us moderation-

after two long years in the wilderness, i finally breached the 3.8 barrier once again. :D

though english was a 79 and chinese was a 78, GRAARGH.

but in life, one must be contented, and i really really thanks the stars above for the awesome gpa. :D

i'm yours;

2008-10-30T00:28:00.002+08:00

oh well, turns out my gpa is only 3.76. sads. :/

target phaillll.

but oh well, there's always moderation, so i shall keep my fingers crossed. :D

i need to focus and get some work done quick, but i've been phailling for the whole week now.

to work ahhhhh.

snapshots of life.

2008-10-25T22:17:00.007+08:00

it's a long long time since i last blogged now. xD

and it sure feels great to be back, though the days i've been away have made returning to this white box feel a little alien...

eoys finally finally finally finished on tuesday with the msp paper, and the past few days have been sexayye slack time. xD

oh, and on a totally random note, i've also finished all 40 episodes in the HK drama serial Moonlight Resonance, that's just damn brilliant. it achieved the highest tv ratings ever in the history of tv ratings in hongkong, tieing with even *gasp* Dae Jang Geum! i know, because wikipedia is my good friend. :D

家好月圆

oh oh oh and linda chung is like insanely chio in this series. i'm like, positively swooning...

right, where was i?

ah, and while we're on post-eoys, i think i'm a little too lazy to actually talk about how "fun" all the mugging during the dmp period and all has been, so i'd let the pictures do the talking... enjoy! xD

a rather melancholy picture taken of the astro and the old podium during dmp...
(having to come back early in the morning during dmp sucks anyway)

zongyi being oh-so-shy during chinese lessons (dmp period). xD

zongyi, always a fervent supporter of the yellow ribbon project.

PHYSICS AHH PHYSICS!

one of the last few ripb morning meetings of the year. (under 08-batch's charge anyway)

in the morning, at the bus stop, on my way to school.

the stupid things that 4D does. xD

Dr William Tan, at RE Congress.

RE Congress!

Prometheum Day ceremony rehearsal...

a random shot overlooking the bus stop next to the school.

another melancholy shot in the morning, of the raffles square.

shanzhi, acting tough, before he was to be owned after prometheum. xD
too bad everyone was in mugging mode, and didn't dunk him. sad. :/

zongyi, getting owned for real. xD

rawr.

say goodbye, zongyi! (but we didn't dunk him in the end, sigh :/)

the hall, after prometheum day.

cool, huh. :D

SS notes. eeks.

our dear dear CLE poster. xD

zomg, 4.0 for CLE.
"we're people of outstanding moral fibre siah."

the day after news of merger broke, officially.

mugging for bio is a painful exercise.

prize-giving!

mugging for malay, the last paper.

sure been busy, haven't i? xD

day 0

2008-10-09T23:02:00.003+08:00

it's the day before our final end-of-year examinations in ri now.

with english and social studies papers tomorrow, i thought i'd take another swing at letting the words floooooooo-w for a while, just for kicks. :D

target end-year gpa: 3.84.

ftw, people. (:

of Physics phail-lure, Prometheum and Prefects

2008-10-07T21:45:00.005+08:00

it's really really frustrating how i flunked physics despite spending my entire DMP period preparing for the test.

tis' the last straw anyway.

on a much brighter note, today was Prometheum Day! and i've finally removed myself officially from the bounds of office. (oh wait, i still need to collect $0.65 from some people but never mind.)

today also brought the Newly-Elected Prefects' Dinner And Sharing, where the parents of NEPs and the NEPs themselves were invited to a sharing session in the AVT, and some food thereafter.

i can't help but feel the sense of deja vu. it's my 4th year at this event anyway.

i wonder what'd hit me when i really look back on the time in RIPB, hmm.

Sungei Road!

2008-09-28T22:55:00.005+08:00

It's assignment time. So here's a post about Sungei Road. :D

if you have absolutely no idea about Sungei Road, and wish to find out more, wikipedia's a good start. but if you're just looking for a brief idea, well, the term refers to an area located (obviously) on/near Sungei Road in Singapore.

but what's so prominent about this place? basically, Sungei Road has become synonymous with the Thieves' Market that's located in the area. the oldest and most-established flea market in Singapore, strictly for second-hand products, it's been here since the 1930s...

the trip down to Sungei Road was part of our Differentiated Module on The Other Side of Singapore and was truly an eye-opener. hearing about the "other", less-prominent, side of Singapore's society was one thing, going down to experience things for ourselves was another matter altogether.

walking about the various stalls set up in the area, each peddling assorted wares ranging from old shoes and old phone parts to pornographic VCDs and antique wares, one cannot help but feel that this area appears so different from the rest of Singapore that we've come to know. Sungei Road emanates a sense that it is the one of the last bastions of relatively undeveloped Singapore. even then, modernity has pervaded itself in the wares that are sold in the area (think pirated VCDs, old/new handphone parts, and even a MacBook which we saw).

even as Sungei Road continues to thrive as a market for second-hand goods, the relatively undeveloped state land on which the market is situated has been slated for future development, and Sungei Road as it is now can count its days numbered.

while walking about in the area, we also spoke to a few of the locals and regular second-hand peddlers who frequent the area. and while the stall owners do not pay any form of rent to any authority, and do not have any officially allocated slots, it appears that there are certain unwritten "rules" with regards to the location of the stalls. regulars who set up shop, regularly, are accorded a certain respect when it comes to finding a spot to set up.

photobucket's not working well, so photos later. :D

this cannot be;

2008-09-26T01:26:00.002+08:00

i can't believe that i've just finished the magician's guild and the novice in two days' time.

trudi canavan is good. too good, ahhh. i'm gonna phail physics cct on tuesday. :/

如果的事

2008-09-25T17:06:00.001+08:00

如果的事
范玮琪

我想过一件事不是坏的事
一直对自己坚持爱情的意思
像风没有理由轻轻吹着走
谁爱谁有所谓的对与错
不管时间说着我们在一起有多坎坷
我不敢去证实爱你两个字
不是对自己矜持也不是讽刺
别人都在说我其实很无知
这样的感情被认定很放肆
我很不服我还在想着那件事
如果你已经不能控制每天想我一次如果你因为我而诚实
如果你看我的电影听爱上的cd如果你能带我一起旅行
如果你决定跟随感觉为爱勇敢一次如果你说我们有彼此
如果你会开始相信这般恋爱心情如果你能给我如果的事
如果你会开始相信这般恋爱心情我只要你一件如果的事
我会奋不顾身地去爱你

400.

2008-09-24T08:58:00.002+08:00

it's the 400th post now, and i thought i might like to dedicate this blog, to everyone who's reading it, whether you're the occasional passer-by or the dedicated blog-fan.

and then there're the people who've been with this blog since its, ah, inception, and i'd really really want to thank them for keeping me blogging and the blog running, despite the many breaks, hiatuses and what-not.

oh well, it's back to school now. (:

new phone :D

2008-09-22T22:53:00.002+08:00

there's been another major major event the past weekend too, and i didn't think it right to have talked about it in the previous post, given the context of things.

but ahh, the secret's out over here anyway.

i've got a new phone! :D

the old one's been with me, since the end of Secondary One now, so i guess it's time to put it out to pastures and erm retirement.

well, actually, if i had a say in things, i'd have put it to pastures quite a while earlier, so it was parents who made the pivotal decision. xD

and in case you were wondering, Samsung Soul is the lurrrrve. (:

HighPoint

2008-09-22T22:24:00.002+08:00

i know i'm not supposed to be on blogger, but i really really need a break from physics. bleargh.

writing regularly keeps things flowing for the essay-examinations anyway, ah. (i know i'm making excuses for myself, but do indulge me xD)

and since i'm blogging now already, i might as well blog a little about a DMP fieldtrip which we went on last Saturday. i'd have to blog about another fieldtrip coming up this Saturday as part of my assessment for the module, so you can check back this weekend for a post or something...

anyway, we went to HighPoint Community Services! it was truly an eye-opener for us to have been there last Saturday, witnessing a side of singapore which we normally don't see or hear about.

HighPoint Halfway House is well, a halfway house, that's meant to help reintegrate ex-drug addicts back into society after they serve their prison sentences. it's work that takes giving back to society to a new level, and the success rate is apparently very high! (we were told more than 70% of the people who go through the "rehab" programme come out really drug-free...)

to give you a sense of how successful that is, a normal drug rehab centre's success rate is around 20-30%? now that's something. and the ex-drug addicts who go into the halfway house often come out truly reformed, and continue volunteering at the place to help even more ex-offenders reintegrate into society.

and besides helping the ex-offenders who go to the halfway house for help, they expect the ex-offenders to give back to society too, and they do take up community projects to help others such as the needy. we heard that they organise a yearly concert near christmas time for the residents of Geylang (which is where highpoint is located) too, offering food for all to come (and yes, if you were wondering, the pastor told us this means the prostitutes and the pimps who may all be in need of a good meal too).

knowing that such work continues in our society is really inspiring, and at the same time, since we were only granted the opportunity to visit highpoint by taking on a module on Social Deviants, we saw firsthand how so-called social deviants may be reintegrated into society.

one thing that struck me particularly, however, was the testimony of an ex-drug addict. they had shown us a video by the Central Narcotics Bureau in the usual campaign against drugs, and i must admit that we watched it as we would have any other video we deem corny-government-propaganda. but seeing the ex-drug addicts tell us intensely (and rather emotionally) that everything within the video (no matter how corny) does reflect the truth of things out there, and that what's out there could be much worse than whatever was shown us in the video, was different.

truly different. 's given something for us to think about, no?

great disturbance in the force

2008-09-20T01:25:00.000+08:00

you see, in less than a month's time, i foresee a great disturbance in the force, and so, it's all hands to the deck for the time being.

you won't see me online on gmail, msn, nor blogging on this blog till i've dealt with the disturbance, so there. :D

and if you still aren't clued in to what's going on, let's put it simply:

EOYs ARE COMING, AND I'VE GOTTA HIDE! (and be a no-lifer and mug and mug and mug till i is sad and die)! AHH.

or simply put: i'm on HIATUS.

memememememe

2008-09-19T23:13:00.002+08:00

haha, it's my turn!

ZOMG, THEODORE.
SHANZHI.
no one, lol. i'm happy where i am. xD
theodore, again (cats, lol)! our deardear english teacher seems a likely candidate though.
shanzhi (when he's not sleeping), amanda + jeanhui combo = king (or queens, but nvm).
ok i know one but i'm not supposed to say. xD else it'd be shanzhi again.
amanda, ZONGYI, biquan.
chrisanda, for one, lol.
there're... a few.
my sister!
isaacCHAY.
LEE JI-AH. LIU YIFEI. don't have people i really do know, cause my circles are limited to rafflesians. :O
biquan and his wotw power!
kangjie is both! theodore is the former, and joho is the latter. more seriously, try sharon for the former, and GOHJUNYONG for the latter.
shanzhi, lol.
sohyuda.
sharon.
SHARON CHAN.
zongyi.
biquan.
andrew tam and GEDEGA.
SHANZHI and ZONGYI ZONGYI ZONGYI!
shanzhi and zongyi.
certain... teachers.
avinash, lol.
shanzhi and matthias.
me, sadly. but more seriously, practically everyone in my closest circles.
PEARL. you promised!
TESSA ONG, ok joking. more like, hans. ok more seriously, i'm still trying to figure this one out.
sorry, if your names didn't appear in a all-too-good light! xD

you can uhh ask me for the questions, but then you'd have to promise you'd do them and blog it! (or if you don't have a blog, we can work something out. xD)

how six songs collide;

2008-09-19T20:23:00.000+08:00

k-o

2008-09-18T21:45:00.008+08:00

i ko-ed yesterday when i got back.

snuggled into bed at 9+, and woke up at 7.40am the next day.

the feeling's positively mind-blowing, and the benefits to the body and mind are rather obvious.

it's a really really feel-good hmm, feeling, yes. :D

form.

2008-09-17T02:04:00.003+08:00

i'm finally done with physics portpholio. ahh, phailll.

it's kind of ironic that the words are only flowing now...

but then again, the words flow pretty well in the blogger box all the time. :D

yesterday's history lesson (it's 2am now :/) didn't go too well though.

i'm not sure why, but i think it's been too long since i wrote a half-decent essay. (a humanities essay, the stuff here doesn't really qualify, you see.) ah well.

i need to get back into form! :D

recent happenings

2008-09-14T02:02:00.002+08:00

when things are down, there's always blogger to count upon, no?

i have no idea why i'm still up, but for me to pose a question about this, ah well, i must be up as i'm posing this question, ah well. you get the idea, i think.

been listening to music for the past few hours now, and only just decided to close it all and shut things out.

and relish the awful silence in my room too, broken only by the sounds of my fingers tappity-tappity-tap-tapping away on the notebook's keyboard.

i'm in turmoil now, tremendous tremendous turmoil. (and oh i couldn't stop myself from wondering about alliteration.)

i guess a sense of humor always helps. D:

but even then, physical and mental fatigue's threatening to take me now...

the past day's been spent in thought, and i'm greying by the minute. -.-

ah well,

i wish i knew what to say. or do.

Go milk a cow!

2008-09-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

Dear You,

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but you're a pervert. I think I realized it when you smacked my ass, in your closet and I saw you ignore my salt-beef bucket.
I’m sure you’re frostbitten enough to understand that the Middle-East is planning their revenge on you.
I’m returning the pictures from Vegas to you, but I’ll keep the results of that blood-sample as a memory.
You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and you should stop picking your nose.

Go milk a cow!

Dear (_friend_),

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (_1_). I think I realized it (_2_), (_3_) and I saw you (_4_) (_5_).
I’m sure you’re (_6_) enough to understand (_7_).
I’m returning (_8_) to you, but I’ll keep (_9_) as a memory.
You should also know that I (_10_) and (_11_).

(_12_)

1. What’s the colour of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black - I dislike your eyelashes
Green - Our socks don’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re mean
Other - I’m in love with your cat

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February - Last year when you peed your pants
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
October - When I quoted Forest Gump
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What’s the coluor of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put whipped cream on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5. What’s the colour of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Sly
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Scarred
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbkid
Other - That your driving sucks

8. What’s the colour of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your Elton John poster
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from Vegas
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your car

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
C/D - The oil tank from your car
E/F - Your neighbour’s dog
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of that blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your glass eye
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Never will forget that night
E/F - Always wanted to break your legs
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – Am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship is ruined
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Wine – Thanks for the Cocaine
Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Liquor - I chew on your earlobes while you sleep
Other – I’m scratching my ass as you read this

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex-change
England - Good luck in jail
Spain - Go drown yourself
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
France – With tears of sadness

Otherside

2008-09-13T01:56:00.002+08:00

Don't Stop Me Now

2008-09-12T00:45:00.003+08:00

i never thought i'd listen to a song from Queen, but ah well, life's unpredictable. xD

Don't Stop Me Now

by Queen

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!
I'm floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)
I don't want to stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars
On a collision course
I am a satellite I'm out of control
I am a sex machine ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to
Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman out of you

Don't stop me don't stop me don't stop me
Hey hey hey!
Don't stop me don't stop me
Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)
Don't stop me have a good time good time
Don't stop me don't stop me
Ooh ooh Alright
I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)
I don't wanna stop at all

La la la la laaaa
La la la la
La la laa laa laa laaa
La la laa la la la la la laaa hey!!....

Passing Out Parade!

2008-09-08T23:35:00.002+08:00

ahh, i've passed out from npcc now! :D

check out the photos at...

http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=36245&l=67641&id=563969316

shall be posting them here another time. xD

on another note, i'd need to do an apcg post, and a post on an awesome wedding dinner (my uncle's) which i attended the past weekend! :D

happenings!

2008-09-04T23:59:00.001+08:00

just thought i'd blog about something pretty interesting that happened in school today...

yup, that's a snake right up there, on the netting adjacent to the basketball courts.

and yup, that's mr danny ong up there, trying to whack the snake down with a stick.

it's pretty cool, hur. pest control came, but since the snake was up so high, they couldnt reach it...

mr danny ong the man then climbed up in a jiffy, and uses the almighty stick in an attempt to bring the snake down.

well, they did manage to throw the snake down, and it disappeared into the bushes next to the basketball courts, and pest control people took it from there...

awesome stuff. :D

directive

2008-09-03T22:59:00.003+08:00

"directive...?"

that was perhaps one of the most memorable quotes from wall.e, and it's certainly got me thinking about quite a bit of stuff.

random thoughts on a random night

2008-09-03T01:59:00.002+08:00

had actually gone offline a while earlier, but i've no idea why i'm back.

i guess i needed to write something, to get things off my mind for a while.

(mumbles something)

had wanted to come by here and rant about how things never seem to go right, but i guess there're many things (even right now) that i ought to be thankful for.

and it's in times like these, when the insurmountable obstacles ahead are so gonna stump me, that i've got to keep in mind the brighter side to life, and hold them dear even as i struggle against for-lack-of-a-better-word, annihilation in the midst of work-work-work.

here's a solemn promise to kickstart my quest for the not-so-holy grail in the eoys ahead and i guess the first step's always getting the attitude right, and kicking the unhealthy habits i've come to develop recently.

which means i've got to start getting in shape, eat healthily, and for heavens' sake, stop staying up at this hour.

and even as i commit myself towards focusing on this new mission, i remain confused about another aspect of life which i've never been quite able to reconcile with myself for years... now.

i wish it wouldn't bother me so, but i guess things'd sort themselves out some way or another.

c'est la vie.

oh well, just thought i'd share some random thoughts on this very random night. (:

ahh, and with my very own words, i've quelled the pessimistic, angst-filled thoughts, and awoken the optimist within. a most splendid feeling indeed.

xkcd.com!

2008-09-02T21:17:00.002+08:00

xkcd.com's comics are cool! :D

here are some awesome strips:

aeris dies.

and another one! xD

convincing pickup line.

the strike's off.

2008-09-02T00:43:00.005+08:00

ah it's sure been some time since the last post.

and man, no one expressed anything asking me to come back during this period! (not on the blog's tagboard anyway...)

but back i am, although i have no idea when the urge to write comes back again.

you see, work depresses this writer in such a way that he gets turned off writing, or tires him so badly he can't really pick up the energy to write.

and even if i do come onto the blog for a little (metaphorical) walk in the park, the writing comes out real real bad anyway. you may want (no, actually you don't) to see previous posts for classic examples.

ah, but it's good, really, to get back on blogger, and go typity-typity-type-type away, and it's a really liberating feeling.

the past few days have been squandered away, somewhere amongst the mystical realms of the wuxia novel 昆仑 (yes, i'm done with that!) and fifa and whatever-else-caught-my-attention. but i guess it's time to settle down now, since unlike our lucky counterparts from the other raffles school, we still have eoys to mug for.

yes, i know just a week ago, we were the ones laughing, but the situation's reversed now. and i'm not very happy about it. :/

and so, you may ask, why the blogskin switch?

i absolutely have no idea, but i thought it'd be nice to have something to occupy myself with, to stop playing fifa and get out of all the stuff that's been going around, since i decided to "take a break" for the first weekend in the hols.

and so, ta-da, new blogskin! and i kinda like it... i'm sure you'd share my sentiments, no?

enough of my narcissistic rantings already, but just for your information, the boxes of pictures above are actually nav buttons! yeah, the ooh-cool-zomg-i-have-one-too kind.

the profile page's still a work-in-progress, so bear with the (not-so) cheeky ":D" for now, oh well.

meanwhile, on a totally random note, i shall do some reviews! with the amount of material i've been bombarding myself with during this time when i stopped blogging, i guess it's only fair that i do them some justice by featuring them here (how egocentric, but nvm).

now, i really really have to mention 昆仑 here, because it's been one of the most awesome chinese wuxia novels i've ever read, and i have hongrui to thank for that, because he kindly recommended this one.

昆仑：天道卷

kunlun is seriously seriously awesome stuff, and if you're even the slightest-bit inclined towards wuxia novels, this is a must-read.

just picked up V for Vendetta here at the library yesterday (oh it's past 12 now), when i went over to the library for the most random of reasons. xD

but V for Vendetta is a very very good find, since i've been looking for it quite a while now. hope i can get my hands on 300 and stuff next time! and i could seriously come to love graphic novels. :D

justice is meaningless without freedom.

managed to catch Wall.E before going down to rosyth on friday too, and it was as cool as the other Pixar animated films i've seen, even cooler! the themes discussed within the movie, and the way the "romance" was played out between Wall.E and Eve was just awesome. and the thing about holding hands was just :D.

Wall.E!

i guess that concludes my reviews for tonight, or rather this morning, and so ends this post too. although sudden happenings ignite much thought currently, but i'd leave those to another time, aye.

strike!

2008-08-24T01:10:00.000+08:00

this blogger has gone on strike!

(in protest of ~~low~~no wages... xD)

but ah well, he'd be back when he's hungry... (hunger strike, anyone?)

that's all... folks!

point taken?

2008-08-15T00:30:00.004+08:00

my posts are not cryptic, and i shall set out to prove a point!

i shall be ahh, yes, decidedly un-cryptic now.

shall be done with history cct in about twelve hours now anyway, and it's a good time to practice verbal diarrhoea skillz. :D

currently listening to linkin park's faint now, and i really love the song.

ok, the playlist's moved on, and it's in the end blaring now, and i like this one too. linkin park's old songs ftw!

and before this post turns into a linkin park fanboy-rant, i shall attempt to write about something else.

which i can't exactly recall.

oh dang.

let's try to think of something.

"in the end, it doesn't even matter..."

dear dear reader, you won't blame me for err, wasting your time reading this, would you?

"it doesn't even matter..."

ok, 've had enough of you already. will have 6 hours to burn later today though, before the 7pm talk (on the Cultural Revolution, zomgroflMAO, gedditgeddit? xD) at Asian Civilizations Museum starts. just practicing how to burn time here too.

you see, the blog's a training ground for the mind and the soul. good for your health, i say!

and i'd prefer it if i don't fall asleep tomorrow during either the history test or the talk. which in turn means i ought to be sleeping now. so here's to a little bit more mugging and quite a bit more sleepuh.

and here's good luck to all taking eyas in (let's count, 1-2-3-4-...) 5 days' time! :D

august 12

2008-08-12T00:12:00.002+08:00

just realised it's august 12th now.

the date just reminded me of something, so i guess, here i am.

but it's been so long since i wanted to write something in this nice familiar blogger box already.

i guess the need to write is less strong now, somehow.

><

2008-08-04T01:29:00.001+08:00

it's one of those days when i got everything messed up.

and i feel so... weak.